


How Deep The Shield Went

by starsandsupernovae



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Friendship, Hurt Tony, M/M, Rhodey is a good friend, Tony Stark Angst, lots and lots of angst, vision is a good friend
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-02 13:15:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10945260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsandsupernovae/pseuds/starsandsupernovae
Summary: Team Cap returns Steve expects things to be okay. They're not. Tony gets hurt again. Things possibly resolve themselves.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I hope you like it, please leave a comment, let me know what you think ❤

Steve walked down the stairs to Tony’s workshop, slight apprehension slowing his step as he approached. He had been surprised when the inventor hadn’t showed up with the others to greet him outside the tower when they returned, having signed a compromise with SHIELD and the UN. He finally reached the door to the workshop and his fingers slid over the keypad, entering the code 

he had been given moments earlier. The door slid open and he stepped inside the cluttered room. Shaped pieces of metal, and odd tools littered the room, mixing with high tech computers and machinery, but Steve’s focus was on the man sitting at a table in the middle. He was still, the only indication that he had noticed the supersoldier enter the stiffening of his body, muscles tensing as he sat up straighter, the tool he had been working with dropping from his hand. Slowly he stood and turned to face his former teammate, friend, and enemy. They stood, unspeaking, motionless, for an eternity,

“Tony.”

Steve’s voice was thunder, cutting through the heavy silence in the room. He stopped unsure how to continue, staring at Tony’s stiffened posture, his eyes devoid of the light that used to warm them, searching Tony’s face for the man he had known, a hint of the smile that used to come with such ease to his face. He stepped forward and put a hand on Tony’s shoulder. The effect was instantaneous, Tony flinching almost violently, slumping into himself, and Steve watched as the man appeared to shrink before his eyes. He quickly withdrew his hand.   
“Tony, I -”

“It’s okay.” it was said so quietly Steve wasn’t sure he even heard it until Tony repeated louder. “It’s okay, I’m okay. I’m sorry I just have something to do now. I need to” he gestured vaguely at the door before quickly walking out through it Steve noticing that, as he did, Tony never fully turned his back to him once.

Steve walked back to his room deep in thought, almost bumping into Banner as he went.

“Bruce.” Surprise colored Steve’s tone. “ I didn’t know you were here.”

“I came for Tony.” Bruce’s voice was frozen. 

“I just saw him. Is, um is he-?” Steve stopped unsure how to finish his sentence. “He didn’t really seem so okay when I was talking to him.”

Bruce just stared at the supersoldier for a minute before answering “Really? Well I can’t imagine why.” Sarcasm dripped from every word. “I’m sorry Captain, but I need to go check on something in the lab. Please don’t let me keep any more of your time.”

Bruce brushed past him and continued down the hall, leaving Steve with a deep sense of unease.

Was Tony okay? And if not, would he be?


	2. Chapter 2

_I'm okay ___  
It was the mantra Tony kept repeating to himself, the phrase he kept forcing around his mind as he had lain in Siberia helpless for god only knew how many hours, completely helpless until he had been picked up.  
_I'm okay ___  
It was the maxim he had gone over and over as he stayed in the cold sterile hospital, refusing visitors, remaining alone while he tried to heal.  
_I'm okay. ___  
He played it on a loop as he returned to his workshop closing it off to all others while he worked nonstop on a working brace for Rhodey.  
_I'm okay. ___  
He didn't allow himself to think otherwise as he signed the new accords, the ones that allowed Steve and his followers back.  
_I'm okay I'm okay I'm okay ___  
He heard the door to his workshop opening and he spun around to see Rhodey enter.  
“It's late Tony. Three AM. And I know you didn't sleep last night.” The colonel’s voice was soft in its admonition.  
Tony knew he should sleep, he was well aware of the negative ramifications sleep deprivation could have on his body. But he was equally aware of what waited in the darkness; the harsh sound of metal crashing down on metal, the terrible feeling of his armor contracting around him, the utter terror of that metal shattering and entering his chest again, the utter despair at lying helpless beneath his enemy, the sheer pain of that enemy being his friend, being more then his friend, that awaited him every time he closed his eyes.  
“I know, Rhodey.” Tony forced a plastic smile at his friend, an expression practiced often now. “I’m going to sleep soon I just wanted to finish this.”  
He gestured to the lines of code he was typing on the screen in front of him.  
James paused looking down at his best friend before nodding slowly.  
“Okay.” He moved his hand to place it on Tony’s shoulder but withdrew it as the smaller man flinched back almost imperceptibly. “Good night.”  
Tony watched him go before turning back to his code. While before it had made perfect sense to him, now it was just so many meaningless shapes. He saved his work and shut it down before leaving the room. He had intended to go to his room, possibly get some sleep but he found himself instead pacing the halls, realizing he was slowly getting closer to where Steve was staying on the other side of the compound. He turned and walked quickly back, entering a small room bare besides a few small couches. He sat down in one, so wrapped up in his thoughts, in trying to escape his thoughts he didn't notice the redheaded spy curled up on the other couch until she spoke.  
“Tony?”  
He jerked back in his seat at the sudden sound cracking through the thick shell of silence he had been sitting in.  
“Natasha. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you came, I was busy with work.” Tony worked desperately to compose himself, forcing his calm mask onto his face, calming his muscles, sitting in a relaxed position.  
The Black Widow wasn't fooled.  
“I'm sorry Tony. For what we did. For what we all did.” Her green eyes met his own.  
He broke his gaze away. “It's fine. Everything's been cleared up. And I'm okay.”  
Natasha tilted her head, her hair falling to the side. “Are you?”  
_I'm okay I'm okay I'm okay. ___  
“Yes. I understand what happened. I understand why. The accords weren't negotiated well enough. And Steve had to save Bucky. He was important to him, his closest friend. All the way from the 40s” his tone was expressionless, robotic as he spoke with a terrible calm.  
Natasha leaned forward. “Tony…” she shook her head. “Look Steve screwed up. I probably did too. He should have told you earlier. And maybe I shouldn't have let them go. I don't know. But Steve, he was scared. He acted impulsively. You should know- in Wakanda he talked about you all the time. Stopped anyone who would speak against you. You're right, Bucky's his oldest friend but you're something more to him. I don't know if you're ready to hear this yet but he loves you Tony.”  
Her words cracked right through his facade, piercing through all the defenses he had carefully built up. A single tear slipped out leaving a thin wet trail down his face as it rolled down unchecked. He quickly got up to leave pausing only to say,  
“I loved him too.” 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for my inconsistency. (finals .__.) but thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoy!❤

“Rhodey.” Steve walked into the kitchen to find the colonel at the coffee machine.  
“Captain.” Rhodey’s reply was polite but distant, just as every conversation they'd had since Steve’s return.   
“Look, um.” Steve shifted awkwardly, as he tried to figure out his next sentence. “Is there any way that you could ask Tony if, maybe, he would be willing to talk? He's been avoiding me, and I don't really want to go to him in his workshop again-”

“Definitely don't do that.” Rhodey cut in sharply, his voice in contrast with Steve’s pleading one. “That workshop is his safe place, his sanctuary. It's not a place you can invade.”

“Of course.” Steve nodded. “But if you can ask him- maybe somewhere else?” A pained expression covered his face. “Look, he's hurt, okay? And I hurt him. Now I want- I need to heal him.”

“Steve.” Rhodey analyzed the super soldier’s face searching for any hint of insincerity. “I don't know if he can be healed. But if you can-” He gave a little half shrug, and in that simple motion Steve saw the helplessness permeating Rhodey being, a result of months watching his friend trapped in a cage of his own making, a cage to which, it seemed, no one had the key. Rhodey had always been able to reach him before, had always been able to pull him up from whatever pit he had fallen down, or at least, climb down with him. But now? Tony had fallen into a shadow so dark and thick, not even Rhodey could follow. If Steve could pull him out, well Rhodey was willing to try just about anything.  
“I’ll talk to him. But I’m not promising anything.”

“I can’t ask for any more then that.” Steve answered honestly, the Captain America that had earned Rhodey’s respect pre-Accords showing through. For the first time since the fight the colonel was able to understand why Tony had cared for Steve so much, and why, despite what he might say, he still did.

Steve waited for a reply. And waited. But two weeks later, while he was sitting talking with Bucky, Rhodey walked in. The other two fell silent as he approached Steve with a slip of paper in his hand. Wordlessly he handed it over. Steve unfolded the thin sheet, smoothing out the wrinkles before scanning the numbers penciled in Tony’s very distinct messy scrawl. A small part of Steve’s mind flashed back to a memory of them, before everything had gotten so damn complicated, laughing together when Steve had poked fun at his handwriting. A faint smile crossed his face as he remembered Tony’s mock indignant response, something about the reason keyboards were invented. 

“What’s it say?” Bucky’s voice broke through his thoughts.  
“It’s-” Steve looked down at the numbers again. “Coordinates?”  
“Tony’s willing to speak.” Rhodey shrugged. “But he’s not actually in Manhattan right now. He’s here.” He gestured to the paper. “Upstate. And he does want to talk but not here. I do understand if you don’t want to play along but…. Look it’s your choice.” He walked out.

Steve looked over at Bucky.

“I don’t need to leave if you’re uncomfortable here without me-” he began.  
“No. You can’t be expected to be in the same building with me every damn day and I’m not going to get in the way of you and your boyfriend anymore then I already have.”  
“He’s not my boyfriend.”

A small grin crept onto Bucky’s face, the new equivalent to a laugh.  
“Sure, Steve. Now go after your definitely not boyfriend.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay i finally made a normal length chapter! ok i just hope you like, idk, it might be a little different, please if you do like leave a comment, it really only takes a moment and you can say absolutely anything and I love seeing and reading them thank you so much ❤

Trees whipped past hi as Steve sped up the small country road on his motorcycle, GPS device in hand. It led him deeper into the woods, the lane narrowing until he had to get off his bike and he realized he would have to walk the last mile and he realized he would have to walk the last mile and a half. Ugly doubts began rising in the depths of Steve’s mind as he continued through the green forest, alive with the sounds of birds and small animals, but with no visible path, no human footprints anywhere.  
Surely Tony couldn't have given him false coordinates?  
Steve rushed to resubmerge these thoughts. There could be a perfectly reasonable explanation for why there was no path or indication that anyone had been there before. Or his GPS could be malfunctioning. Besides that wasn't really Tony’s style. 

He walked on, wrapped up in his thoughts and question he almost didn't notice when a small wooden cabin became visible in the fading daylight. Not something Steve would associate with Tony, he thought, taking in the peeling brown paint, the dingy windows opaque with neglect and dirt. He stepped forward about to knock on the small door when a voice emanated from above it, shattering the relative quiet, pausing the birdsong and rustling of the woods.  
“Please state your first and last name clearly.”  
The voice, much like FRIDAY’s was computer generated, of that much Steve could recognize although none of Tony’s other AIs spoke quite like this one.  
“Steve Rogers”  
A small patch on the side of the door slid up to reveal a fingerprint and retina scanner and as Steve widened his eyes and pressed his finger to the small pad he smiled, realizing he was indeed in the right place. The scanner beeped green.  
“Steve Rogers, Captain America confirmed. You may proceed inside.” 

The door slid open smoothly and Steve stepped within surveying his surroundings. It appeared, to his surprise, a normal, rundown cabin. He was standing in a small grimy living room, two old couches, one of them with a yellow paper saying

_Steve,  
If you came I'm downstairs. Elevator in the kitchen, open the fridge and pull on the middle shelf. That'll take you down then I'll be in the third room on the right. ___

It wasn't signed but it didn't need to be. Steve slowly walked into the tiny kitchenette before opening the fridge warily, and pulling on the second, middle shelf within. Immediately and soundlessly the space where he had been standing, a square of about 3 feet each way began sinking silently down, through a large glass tube, allowing Steve a view of the lower level, a long pristine white hallway, which about five doors until the hallway forked. Odd metal shapes lined the walls, some of them more recognizable as a new type of gun others unidentifiable. He felt a cool draught as he stepped off the platform and to the door he had been told about. He pressed his finger to the scanner beside it and waited while it opened and he took in the room. It was a workshop, not entirely unlike Tony’s at ho- at the tower? He wasn't sure what to call it anymore. 

Tony spun his chair to face the captain.  
“Hey Steve. You came.”  
“Yeah.” Steve's throat dried as he took in the smaller man’s face staring up at him, new lines etched into his skin, old pain glinting out of his deep brown eyes.  
“So I guess- I mean-” Tony tried to gather his thoughts. “I wanted to talk to you, Steve. I just didn't know- I didn't know how to- I'm sorry I walked out on you. I'm sorry for breaking up the avengers. I'm sorry for not trusting you about your friend. I'm sorry for trying to force you into an agreement you weren't comfortable with. I'm sorry for attacking you.”  
Every word out of Tony's mouth was a dart piercing straight through Steve's heart, every ‘sorry’ cutting him open. Because of course Tony would apologize, of course he would blame himself, of course he would hold himself accountable when he tried so hard to help, when he was willing to negotiate, when he made sure he was sent instead of a full SHIELD assault team.  
“No.” Steve shook his head. “It's not your fault. Please don't blame yourself for this. For- for my mistakes.”  
He pulled a chair over from the side and sat still looking into Tony's eyes, almost afraid to break their contact. Tony looked away. 

A heavy silence fell.  
After an eternity Tony broke the silence, gesturing around him. 

"Howard and I built this place years ago. He was a dick but even he realized the government needs to be limited, there are some weapons they should never be able to touch. Others that should only be allowed if needed to save the world from destruction. Those are here.”  
Steve realized the other man's quick deflection from the previous topic and simultaneously realized what he had been trusted with. 

__“Do you come here often? To hide away prototypes or, or plans or something?”  
“Sometimes. It's also just a great place to go that no one else can find. The only people who knew the location of this place were my parents and” he shrugged. “Dead people don't talk. But it's kind of always been a sort of safe place for me. Howard drilled into my head, if I was in danger, if people were looking for me, if I come here, I'm safe. I disabled most the security protocols for you today, although they're all back up now. The thing is- I don't know what's going to happen next. But I think the world's going to need unified Avengers. And I- I don't like us being separated either.”_ _

__Steve’s heart gave a little flip at the word ‘us’ before he repressed the thought. After all ‘us’ just meant the avengers right? But the avengers weren't here he was._ _

___“And so I thought, if we were to talk, and I want us to, I want to fix this, we could do it here.” Tony finished oblivious to the thoughts that had just run through the captain's head “Unless of course you don't want to.” He added hurriedly._  
“No!” Steve answered a bit too loud and a bit too fast. “I do want to talk. I've missed you, Tony. And I wanted to apologize also-”  
The inventor shrunk in his seat slightly, shoulders hunching hands folding into his sides.  
“But maybe- we could not just talk about…that. Like just about anything else. Tell me about Wakanda. You probably know more about that country now then the entire European and American intelligence combined.”  
They talked, somewhat awkwardly, about inane topics for the next few hours, subconsciously slipping back in time, to a world that had never known anything but small squabbles within the Avengers, a world where they could speak for ages and just lost track of time. Eventually however a small beeping emitted from Tony’s arm paused the conversation. 

___“What's that?”_  
“Nothing. Rhodey made me insert a little alarm if I go for too long without sleep to remind me to go to bed. It's fine, he's just being ridiculous. I'm sleeping fine.”  
“Tony,” Steve knew the genius had some insomnia problems in the past, but now looking at him… “how long is too long? When did you last sleep?”  
“60 hours.” The answer was a low murmur.  
It wasn't horrible, Steve had known him to do that before but-  
“When's the last time you slept properly? More than 3 hours of sleep?” 

__Tony muttered something unintelligible._ _

___“How long?”_  
“I don't know, a week?” Tony avoided the captain's eyes. “I'm fine.”  
“You need sleep. Lets get back. ” His voice held a tinge of command. But even as he said it a small jolt of regret went through him, of having to leave this place now, this safe spot where time could be rewritten.  
“Or” Tony’s voice was hesitant “you could stay here overnight? There are bedrooms here, I prepared a room for everyone on the team with everything they might need. I mean if you would want to.”  
“Yeah.” The word slipped out of Steve's mind before he had time to think, but really he did want to stay and this was a solution.  
Tony led him out the room and out down the hall, turning down corridors and doorways all of which looked identical to Steve. They soon reached a series of doors, marked with small plaques with names. All of the avenger’s names as well as Pepper and Happy’s were present. Tony stopped before the one blank one, presumably his, between the one marked Rhodes and the one, Steve's heart skipped a beat, marked Rogers. Next to his door, he noticed was one marked Barnes, but of course Steve should have expected that, of course Tony, amazing, selfless, forgiving Tony would have included him, welcomed into his safe space if needed, with a place among the avengers. 

___“Anything you might need should be in there.” Tony gestured to the doorway._  
“I'll be in the next room.”  
Steve nodded a bit awkwardly.  
“Okay. Good night.”  
The tiniest grin played around the very tips of Tony's lips.  
“Good night, Captain.” 

__Steve entered his room as he heard Tony going into his own and looked around. It was a near replica of his room in the tower, complete with clothes that looked almost identical to his own in the open closet. He decided to ask Tony about it all tomorrow, finished his exploration and decided to sleep. He got about an hour before the yell in the next room woke him up._ _


End file.
